If Glee was written by the fans
by YourEyesLikeStars
Summary: "Oh, right. Note to self: If you want company don't hit the other writer over the head until they pass out" Klaine. Niff. What would happen if the fans had full control over our favourite show?
1. Pirouetting Hand in Hand

**Hi everyone! I'm going to sit here and apologise for not updating anything for a while. I promise I will when I get around to it. Every time I find an afternoon to spend on fanfiction I end up reading. It's not that I don't love writing, it's that everyone else's fics are so addicting. So now that I am not apologising, I am saying that **I don't own anything **as sad as that is...**

**Basically, I was talking to HeavenHelpMyHeart and she said, 'Imagine what would happen if Glee was written by the fans.' Immediately, my mind went insane with the endless possibilities. I have been brutally attacked by the happy, fluffy creatures called plot bunnies all afternoon. **

_**Okay I have made some changes to the writers thing now so basically there is going to be no bold italic-ey thing. It can be whatever. **So now it's just to random writers. You can think that it's you and a friend or a different writer everytime, whatever pleases you.****_

**This fic is made of snippets/rewrites/drabbles/one-shots and whatever else all strung together. I can't promise the chapters will be in chronological order, but I'll try. It's Warbler-centric and Kurt won't transfer back. Of course New Directions will appear at stages, that's a given. This fic may appear a little crack-y at some times. It will have Klaine, Neff (Nick/Jeff) and whatever else comes to mind. If you don't like, or are homophobic in anyway shape or form, stop reading now. Really, if you're homophobic, then fanfiction really isn't the site for you. Stay off Tumblr as well. This is pretty long for one of my authors notes so goodbye and enjoy...**

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><p>The melodic hum of the Warblers backing vocals filled the auditorium. It wasn't packed per se, but there were enough people in the room. Blaine stepped into the spotlight as the lead vocals started...<p>

* * *

><p>"He is NOT singing 'Hey Soul Sister' at Regionals"<p>

"It's a classic song, come on!"

"No, it is a cheap tacky Top 40 song with no soul"

"First of all: this song has nothing to do with gingers, therefore has a soul and two: isn't that the whole point of the early Warblers? They start off as soulless automations that are catchy enough but just aren't as interesting as New Directions or Vocal Adrenalin and then Kurt completely transforms them!"

"Blech, fine, but I swear they will be transformed. Warble on my blazer-clad amigos!"

* * *

><p><em>Hey, hey, hey<em>

_Your lipstick stains on the front lobe of my left side brains_  
><em>I knew I wouldn't forget you, and so I went and let you blow my mind<em>  
><em>Your sweet moon beam, the smell of you in every single dream I dream<em>  
><em>I knew when we collided, you're the one I have decided who's one of my kind<em>

The Warblers flew seamlessly flew through the song, Kurt fighting the urge to roll his eyes at Warbler Blaine and his seeming flawlessness. How could someone so easily measure up and set off his fascination? Blaine however was thinking of everything but Kurt. It took him no effort to play up the song; he was just born for the stage, his attention was in other places entirely. Mainly focusing on the desperate glances Nick and Jeff were throwing at each other. The tension coming from where they were radiating was palpable. As he sang the last notes of the song, Blaine really hoped that they were just nervous about their upcoming duet... when it came to those two he really had no clue.

* * *

><p>"Blaine may be dapper but his thoughts do not rhyme!"<p>

"Rhyme?"

"When it came to those two he really had no clue? Really?"

"Accidental rhyming doesn't count"

"Whatever you say"

_*Backspace*_

'_when it came to those two he was clueless'_

"I guess I can deal with that"

"You're going to have to, now, any ideas for the Nick/Jeff duet"

"What Nick/Jeff duet"

"Way to pay attention then sound really frantic when you find out what's happening. The Nick/Jeff duet that is about to happen, the second Warbler song. I'm thinking something else by Train to continue the theme"

"Why are they duetting? Blaine is the lead soloist"

"Yes and Kurt, Jeff and Nick auditioned for solos, Jeff and Nick made it to the next round of auditioning, Kurt didn't, remember"

"I thought we were just giving the solo to Blaine anyway, this is ridiculous!"

"Too bad, they're singing 'If It's Love'"

"C'mon, "If its Love?" Neff can do soooo much better than that I mean they could so pull of "Is this love?" by Whitesnake, I mean seriously if anyone could duet 80's glam metal power ballads its those two right?"

"You my friend are a sad, sad individual, and are close to outstaying your welcome to participate in this episode".

"Ok, alright I admit Whitesnake is pushing the boundaries of the collective that is the Warblers, but should we look to diversify?"

"However we have already been through this, before Kurt the Warblers were clones that sung only Top 40 music, so try again oh song picker"

"Well ok if we do decide to just run with the Blaine solo it's all well and good but I think Nick and Jeff could seriously take us to the first ad break doing a breakaway duet of Michael Buble's "Haven't Met You Yet" to each other, what do you think?

"Agreed".

"Agreed".

"Yeah me too"

"Ok!"

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><p>Nick and Jeff started on opposite sides of the stage. They walked towards each other throughout the first verse before starting to circle each other, Jeff showing off his amazing dance skill intermittently, staring into each other's eyes, the entire universe mimicked the look of "I told you so" shared between Kurt and Blaine.<p>

_Oh, you know it'll all turn out  
>And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out<br>And I promise you kid to give so much more than I get  
>Yeah, I just haven't met you yet<em>

_I just haven't met you yet_  
><em>Oh, promise you, kid<em>  
><em>To give so much more than I get<em>

_I said love, love, love, love_  
><em>Love, love, love, love<em>  
><em>(I just haven't met you yet)<em>  
><em>Love, love, love, love<em>  
><em>Love, love<em>  
><em>I just haven't met you yet<em> .

Then the song ended and they went back to their reality. Jeff to his "I'm as straight as a ruler" and Nick to his "Jeff's like my brother"

* * *

><p>"Well that was anticlimactic"<p>

"Yeah, we need angst to counteract all this fluff"

"I have just the idea"

* * *

><p>The Warblers had taken their time returning to Dalton Academy. After the announcement they spent a considerable amount of time celebrating with New Directions on the stage before heading to the bus to go get some food. They ate as a group, sitting at the largest table available in the local Chinese Buffet. Still high on adrenalin, the boys lost their formal air entirely. Jeff, Thad and Blaine had a dance battle, which of course Blaine lost by a considerable margin much to the rest of the Warblers' amusement. Jeff and Thad were too overtaken with laughter to continue after that. Finally, Wes pointed out that they really did need to leave for Westerville.<p>

Tucked up and safe in their dorm, Nick and Jeff let themselves drift off to sleep. Sometime after 1 Nick was woken by a loud wail. He shot up in his bed to see a sleeping Jeff tossing and turning, beads of sweat rolling down his pretty face. He was chanting a twisted mantra filled with I love him, I'm sorry and I'm not abnormal repeated between nonsensical slurs.

The last one made the least sense. How could anyone think that Jeff was abnormal? Sure he was a little blonder than most boys and maybe you could call him abnormally talented at everything but there was no way he was just plain abnormal. Nick was Jeff's best friend first and foremost, and this was putting his best friend skills to test.

Jeff however was in another land. He stood alone in his kitchen at home. Well at least he thought it was his kitchen. Everything had a dull grey tinge to it. Instead of the bright room with white walls and yellow everywhere else there was a hostile clutter free space, set out like his kitchen but he couldn't see the walls. They were surrounded in a deep darkness.

Suddenly his parents entered the room from the darkness that covered the walls. They looked paler than usual, eyes glinting in the dark. Without greeting his mother asked him when he was going to find a girl and settle down. With a deep breath Jeff opened his mouth and replied to her, "I'm not going to find a girl and settle down anytime soon because I've already found someone"

"Is she pretty?"

"Is she smart?"

"What's her name?"

"Where's she from?"

"Are you dating?"

"Does she know how you feel?" the twisted versions of his parents interrogated him.

"I love him, but Mum, Dad, I'm gay, it's a him." Silence filled the room immediately after Jeff's confession. Suddenly both of his parental clones opened their mouths and bared teeth, teeth that were definitely not human. A small muscle lashed out of their mouths like a snake, and in the near black and white scene they appeared silver. The homophobic taunts that flew out of their mouths cut Jeff like a knife and with each one his pleading got more and more desperate. He wanted to get out of there. He wanted his parents to accept him. Most of all he wanted Nick to hold him tight and promise him that everything would be all right.

Nick was now breathing as heavily as his sleeping roommate. Dashing across the room, Nick pulled him up, wrapping his arms around the tall blonde. "It's okay, you'll be okay. I promise. I'm here, you are my everything," Nick was whispering into Jeff's ear. He sighed contentedly when Jeff stopped tossing and turning and nuzzled into his chest. Before long they were both asleep.

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><p><strong>*Hides behind bulletproof wall*<strong>

**Was it any good enough to be part of the writer's of the Glee fandom? Please don't shoot me for disgracing you guys.**


	2. Boys! Boys! Boys!

**Sooo hi! It's been forever. There were some minor... technical difficulties.**

**Yeah, so I have to thank Heavenhelpmyheart again. A couple of reasons here**

**She is completely and utterly fabulous and always fun to talk to**

**She beta-ed this (Round of applause)**

**And she kinda saved my butt...**

**Sooo, she is brilliant. And her fics are all perfection, particularly Meet the Warblers and its prequel Meet Blaine...**

**Just so everyone understands, about the writers' thing, it wasn't making sense to me before. So now it's just two random writers. You can think that it's you and a friend or a different writer every time, whatever pleases you. I'm going to go back and fix up chapter one regarding that now. Okay cool onto roommates now!**

**Nick and Jeff share a dorm. As do Trent and Kurt. Thad and Blaine. Wes and David. This is my head logic as Thad and Blaine are just so umm Thad-like and Blaine-y? Dapper isn't the right word here either… that's not the point. They are them, Trent and Kurt are divas and everyone else it's just common sense. **

**Regarding the Trent/Kurt bit, with the singing: The song is BoysBoysBoys by Lady Gaga, it belongs to her. **_Kurt is italics,_** Trent is Bold, **_**Bold italics is them both**_**. Trent is played by Dominic Barnes. He is adorable. To hear him sing YouTube little lion man/Just the way you are. It is a mash-up between him and fellow warbler bro Jon Hall as part of his Music Mondays. Dominic sings the just the way you are bit. **

* * *

><p>"Fluff! Fluff! Fluff! FLUFF! ITS SOO FLUFFY I'M GOING TO DIE!"<p>

"Our story cannot consist of fluff."

"Why not?"

"Because then there is no plot!"

"Psssht! Plot is silly. Pointless and annoying really"

"Okay, Houston we have a problem, one of our writers has boarded the crazy train. I guess I'll just have to do this on my own."

* * *

><p>Wes and David were sitting in their dorm, talking about everything and anything other than the fact that this was their last chance at making it to nationals. They were seniors now. Boys with nowhere to go but up.<p>

"Everyone's still stressed," Wes said in his flawless counsellor voice.

"Competitions over, they'll be fine," David reasoned with his overly fluster-able friend.

"What about New Klaine? Competition is the least of their worries right now."

"New Klaine?"

Yeah! Nick and Jeff!" Wes exclaimed, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"They've always been like this Wes."

"So?"

"It isn't new."

"So?"

"They can't be New Klaine if they came before Klaine. Why is Klaine not new Neff?"

"Oh..."

"Yeah."

" . . ."

". . ."

". . ."

"We need to do _something _though," Wes finally cut through the mildly awkward silence.

"Wes, do not overcomplicate things!"

"It's not overcomplicating if it desperately needs to be complicated!"

"That made no sense."

"If anything it will be under-complicating."

"Warbler prank?" David asked after realising his friend wouldn't relent.

"Operation: Make 'em laugh?"

"Perfect."

* * *

><p>"See! Fluff is good! Fluff is great!"<p>

"And ridiculous writer is ridiculous."

"You're sarcasm is infectious and entertaining."

"Yours is just as biting, I'm sure."

"At least I'm pretty!"

"How Dare You!" With a sudden clang a body fell to the floor, leaving the mildly sane fan to write in peace.

* * *

><p>Thad and Blaine, being the responsible Warblers they are, showered, changed and went straight to bed following their arrival at Dalton. Trent and Kurt however, were a different story. The divas spent the evening after Sectionals curled up on their beds reading excerpts from next month's Vogue. Trent's mother was one of the head editors. This assured he came with an endless collection of designer clothing. It went without saying that he and Kurt were both friends immediately. They stayed up well into the earliest hours of the morning, trying on clothes, sharing the latest gossip and practicing their bitch glares on each other. Sometime well after midnight, their conversation took a conversation for the worse... or the better. It was a thin line separating the two.<p>

"Oh Gaga. I have got to get you some girls. Stat."

"Oh Kurtsie, how did I ever survive before you came to Dalton?"

"It is unbelievable. You should definitely come to the next New Direction girls and Dalton diva's sleepover!"

"Wait, you want me to meet your friends? Like your New Direction friends?"

"I guess? Why?"

"Blaine was all gushy the other day because 'you trusted him enough to meet ONE of them'! I think her name was Marcia or something."

"Mercedes," Kurt replied, a blush gracing his cheeks.

"Oooh, someone has it bad."

"Has what?"

"The Love bug, the crush monster, the giant team of butterflies that swirl in your stomach," Trent exclaimed gleefully jumping across the room from where he was perched on his bed to join Kurt on his, sitting next to the smaller boy and nudging his shoulder into Kurt's.

"I do not like Blaine!"

"Kurt, if Blaine and a pair of one of a kind Doc Martens were in a burning building, and you had the ability to save one of them, which would you save?"

"He's my best friend! Anyway, no matter how I answer that question, the smoke would ruin my skin care routine."

Trent decided that jumping up and down on Kurt's bed whilst flailing and exclaiming "Kurt loves Blaine the ever-so-dapper-Warbler Anderson," repeatedly, in a sing-song voice was the best way to get his friend to spill the details. He was definitely persistent, Kurt would give him that much. He was also nearly as puppy-like as Blaine. When he told Trent that he didn't like Blaine he would definitely pout for the rest of the night, or at least until he was distracted by something else.

"Blaine and I are JUST FRIENDS Trent! I promise! I'll take back my invitation!"

Within seconds Trent had flopped dramatically onto Kurt's bed. He sighed dejectedly before realizing what Kurt had said.

"You wouldn't really, would you? I need girls Kurt! I board at Dalton! There are too many Y chromosomes in this place! I will die, Kurtsie! Don't kill me! Love me Kurtsie! I love you! I'm sorry!" Trent screamed, crawling across the floor to beg on his knees and tug on Kurt's pant leg before curling into a fetal position.

"You are ridiculous you know that? Of course I wouldn't do that to you. I was kidding! Do you have any idea how bad not being around girls is to your skin? I think we both need to add extra exfoliation to our skincare routines before we are too late."

"Speaking of skin care routines?" The five simple words hung in the air, obviously a question. Nothing was said for a few minutes until both boys dashed to the bathroom.

If anyone had been watching the two boys sit silently next to each other for the better part of the next hour, they would have said that the two boys, although nearly too gay to function, shared a strange camaraderie. As Kurt set one particular lotion on the vanity, Trent would pick it up. When Trent needed a particular sponge that was on the other side of the bench, Kurt passed it to him before Trent's mind had acknowledged the need to ask for it. Although neither said a word, they were constantly helping each other subtly, sharing a bond no outsider could understand. Towards the end of their 'hour of hygienic power,' Trent started humming a familiar introduction. Kurt flew into his Gaga-mode as he sang the first verse.

_Hey there sugar baby  
>Saw you twice at the pop show<br>You taste just like glitter  
>Mixed with rock and roll<br>I like you a lot lot  
>Think you're really hot hot<em>

Pulling Trent up from his seat in front of the mirror, Kurt grabbed both of Trent's hands and spun him around in an awkward twist before letting Trent take the reign for the second verse.

**I know you think you're special  
>When we dance real crazy<br>Glam-aphonic, electronic, disco baby  
>I like you a lot lot<br>All we want is hot hot**

Trent ran back into their bedroom, Kurt trailing behind. As the chorus started up, Trent jumped up on his bed, jumping unashamedly to the music they were making.

_**Boys boys boys  
>We like boys in cars<br>Boys boys boys  
>Buy us drinks in bars<br>Boys boys boys  
>With Hairspray and denim<br>Boys boys boys  
><strong>_**We love them!**  
><em>We love them!<em>

Throughout the chorus Trent and Kurt spun around each other, jumping on beds and thrashing their heads obnoxiously.

**Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ,oh ,oh ,oh, oh  
>Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ,oh ,oh ,oh, oh<strong>

_Baby is a bad boy  
>With some retro sneakers<br>Let's go see The Killers  
>And make out in the bleachers<br>I like you a lot lot  
>Think you're really hot hot<br>_

As Kurt sang another verse, Trent dashed back into the bathroom and grabbed a hairbrush and a can of hairspray. Chucking the hairspray at Kurt, he started singing into the hairbrush as though it were a microphone.

**Let's go to the party  
>Heard our buddies' the DJ<br>Don`t forget my lipstick,  
>I left it in your ashtray<br>I like you a lot lot  
>All we want is hot hot<br>**  
><em><strong>Boys boys boys<br>We like boys in cars  
>Boys boys boys<br>Buy us drinks in bars  
>Boys boys boys<br>With hairspray and denim  
>Boys boys boys<br>**_**We love them!**  
><em>We love them!<em>

**I'm not loose, I like to party  
><strong>_Let's get lost in your Ferrari_  
><strong>Not psychotic or dramatic<br>**_I like boys and that is that_  
><strong>Love it when you call me legs<strong>  
><em>In the morning buy me eggs<em>  
><strong>Watch your heart when we're together<br>**_**Boys like you love me forever**_

_**Boys boys boys  
>We like boys in cars<br>Boys boys boys  
>Buy us drinks in bars<br>Boys boys boys  
>Hairspray and denim<br>Boys boys boys  
>We love them!<br>We love them! **_

As they finished their wild dancing and mildly off-key singing, Kurt and Trent flopped backwards onto their respective beds, laughing and giggling.

"We were so fabulous, Kurtsie," Trent squealed through his laughter.

"We are always fabulous, Trent," Kurt deadpanned, panting and feeling dazed. The boys just sat and stared at the roof for what felt like hours, listening as the others breathing slowed and their heart rates returned to normal. "I like him," Kurt said finally, breaking the adrenalin filled silence, "I really, really like him."

"Blaine likes you too Kurt. When he realises that he does, you two are going to be perfect for each other."

"What about you Trent?"

"Your relationship with Blaine has nothing to do with me."

"No, what about your love life?"

"Oh." Trent suddenly reddened and pulled a pillow over his head, Kurt could just make out mumbling from under the pillow.

"What was that?"

Trent lifted the pillow centimetres off his head, "I like Nick," he said quickly, before dropping the pillow again.

* * *

><p>"And so the plot thickens"<p>

"…"

"Oh, right, you are unconscious. Note to self: If I want company don't hit other writers over the head until they pass out."

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><p><strong>AN: Well, this took forever. Mainly because of the song. Sighhh, it should be easier now that it's out of the way.**


End file.
